CNA's latest dastardly doings

So there is an organization in Cole... they call themselves something like "Neighborhood Collective" or something (stating, "We're a group of color with some white allies", racism anyone?). They've apparently formed in opposition of the RNO's (registered neighborhood associations) like the Cole Neighborhood Association, claiming that the RNO's aren't "representative" enough.

Though last time I checked the RNO's weren't turning minorities away at the door (I wonder if white people are welcomed in the "Collective"?) and in fact welcomed the involvement of all residents. Heck, they even went to the trouble of printing up informational signs and cards in Spanish. Honestly, back when I was involved with the CNA, it always struck me that the only thing holding back the representation of "residents of color" was their own disinterest in attending meetings and getting involved (or perhaps, the efforts of the "Collective" to reinforce some sort of victim mentality and undermine the inclusiveness of the RNO's).

Now again, to be clear, I don't speak for the CNA, and honestly, many (or most!) of their members probably disagree with many of my opinions. I used to be more involved in the 'hood but at some point got tired of all the grief put forth by activist groups like the "Collective" towards white folks like me that got involved. While I know it would be the more mature and productive thing to do to stay active and not let it get to me, at some point I looked at my monthly mortgage statement and thought: "I'm paying this much to be so miserable sitting in endless meetings trying to improve the neighborhood, just to be portrayed as a villain." At some point I just decided to get back to the things I liked to do, and earn my keep simply keeping my block and back alley clean and safe. Not to mention doing so many others' work for them by reporting graffiti throughout the neighborhood that sits untended for weeks.

But again, I don't speak for the CNA.

In fact, I know that the "Community Organizer" (ala Barry Obama) at the center of the "Collective", let's just call her "Alisa", for our purposes here, is a really smart person (she'll tell you that herself), and so I wondered if the CNA had in fact morphed into some sort of extreme right-wing conspiracy as she makes it out to be. So, I thought I'd go under-cover to try to uncover the true evil nature of the CNA, as suggested by "Alisa" and her "Collective". I mean, the CNA must be evil--They're trying to get a Sunflower Market into the neighborhood. If that isn't proof enough, I don't know what is.

I got wind of yet another of the CNA's suspicious activities recently and thought I'd investigate: The CNA neighborhood cleanup and tree planting. Sounds innocent enough, but based on the opposition by the "Collective", it had to be a front for some pernicious operation to further displace minorities, perpetuate racial discrimination, and gentrify! But I would get to the bottom of this.

I needed a disguise--So that I could blend in, that morning I borrowed my friend's Subaru, and wore my Birkenstocks and Patagonia jacket and showed up at Wyatt Edison Charter School. Sure enough, nothing but evil white people all around! And they were drinking coffee! A taste wasn't sufficient to confirm whether it was Starbucks or not, but it certainly wasn't Shur Fine coffee from the Down and Out Super.

I saw a big stack of some sort of garden tools--My first thought of course was pitchforks... but they just turned out to be shovels. I guess for the tree planting. A box that looked like it might contain white hoods just turned out to be plastic bags for the neighborhood cleanup.

I was there for only a few minutes when I was shocked to see a Hispanic person show up for the event--Wait a minute, already "Alisa" and the Collective's wisdom was being challenged: Not all "residents of color" subscribe to the fear-mongering and victim mentality of the "Collective"! Very interesting.

I moved closer to a group of participants to eavesdrop. I hoped to get some "dirt" on what they had up their sleeves. Perhaps targeting specific properties to turn into coffee shops, displacing the local minority business owners? Identifying entire blocks to scrape so that more yuppie-friendly services like climbing gyms, luxury lofts, and art galleries can come in? Or maybe unfairly targeting section 8 housing facilities to harass the residents, because you know, white people just have a grudge against the poor.

But all I heard was a genuine love of the neighborhood, which I clearly lost at some point. Was it the day I got pan-handled three times in an hour and a half? Or perhaps when I got threatened by that gang banger? Or maybe when I had to clean graffiti out of my back alley for the third time in a week. Who knows.

But these folks still have it, as evidenced by their willingness to give up a Saturday to go out in the cold and mist and pick up other people's baby diapers, Cheeto bags, and Kentucky Deluxe liquor bottles. A genuine interest in making the area a greener, nicer place to live (for all) by planting street trees. And a belief that Cole's future looks very bright.

I was shocked to learn that there wasn't a lynching, or at least a cross burning planned. So much for listening to the "Collective". Just a friendly, productive neighborhood gathering, during which 10 blocks or so of the neighborhood were to be cleaned up, and around 20 street trees were to be planted. Hmmm.... seemed innocent enough.

Fast forward to later in the day, after all the evil cleaning and planting had been done, and I continued my surveillance while taking part in a free burrito provided by CNA. Incidentally, the food was donated from Wahoo's Fish Tacos--apparently they're involved with this extremist organization in some way--and I was surprised because I thought we white people only ate Chipotle. As I finished my meal, the group was joined at the last minute by an elderly Hispanic resident of the neighborhood. She had seen the group's members out cleaning up her block, and was excited to learn of the neighborhood association and their efforts.

Yes, excited. Here was a minority lady that had lived in the neighborhood 40 years and was thrilled about the recent changes (not scared, or threatened). As she ate her burrito, she shared with the group: "This used to be a good neighborhood...but I'm sick and tired of people who don't care..."

But wait a minute--The "Collective" makes it out that the neighborhood is perfect as-is except for the racial profiling of DPD and the white people gentrifying the neighborhood. That any progress--Be it cleanup, renovation, new businesses, engaged residents (unless they're minorities) dilute the "character" and diversity of the neighborhood, and should be opposed at all cost.

I left the event around noon, very confused. How can CNA, (or any other neighborhood association, for that matter) clearly a harmless and very beneficial force of positive change in the neighborhood, be so villified by "Alisa" and her "Collective"? Now, I know "Alisa" is a smart lady (and again, she'll be the first to tell you that), and has at least twice as many degrees as I, but I just don't get it.

I for one will support tree planting, cleanups, bringing healthier grocers and new, valuable (and job generating) businesses and services to the neighborhood. In fact, based on my undercover research, the only counter-productive, misguided organization I know of that is doing harm to minority residents of Cole just might be the "Collective". So, I'll support the Cole Neighborhood Association.

Which is likely good, as I don't know if the "Collective" and it's "group of color" has any openings for a "white ally" right now anyway. Or, in all reality, whether white people are welcome at all.

Exciting News For Cole

Wow, an exciting vision for the future of Cole, as it relates to the new 38th and Blake transit station...

Kiva's new theme: Urban Blight

So I shared that I had heard that Kiva would be re-opening at some point. Not much visible activity on that front until recently when I saw that there was a notice of zoning change on the building--Basically being re-zoned to allow for mixed residential and commercial I think. Makes sense, given how cavernous the building is. I just hope something opens up there again relatively soon.

But the big thing is the new paint job--Anyone notice that they tore down the cheery yellow awnings and re-painted the building...Uggh... Primer gray?

Nothing screams "Urban Blight" more than a huge building painted industrial, primer gray. Especially with an equally dismal gray building right across the street. Every time I pass by now I have to remind myself I'm not living in Flint, Michigan.

Maybe that's his new theme for the restaurant space--Urban blight. Maybe they'll hire some yuppy white artists to replicate some local graffiti on the building, park some extra dumpsters outside, and chain a few cannibalized old bike frames to the light poles. Hang some sneakers from the power lines and hire some actors to portray homeless people and sleep out front during the grand opening. Stick some of those fake-bullet-hole stickers on the front door to complete the look.

Maybe a soup kitchen theme? Tuesdays ladies drink (soup) free. That could become hip and trendy with the incoming Starbucks posse.

Perhaps it is in fact just a primer? I'm afraid it isn't, so I'm left wondering what Marty, the owner was thinking? Of all the colors in the rainbow, why did he choose battleship, primer gray?

Top Ten things I have learned about living in Cole

So I've lived here in Cole for almost 4 years now, and as a result I think I have a pretty good feel for the area. I was just thinking the other night, of all the valuable things I've learned, and thought I should share for any other new or prospective residents.

So, here are the top 10 things I have learned about living in Cole:

1. When you're budgeting for your mortgage, be sure to include some wiggle room for a self-storage facility. That quaint, historic house with so much character has absolutely no closet space, so you'll need to find a place to put all that stuff you accumulated in the 'burbs or your previous, modern or updated apartment.
2. As mentioned in a previous post, get a cell phone plan with unlimited calls to certain numbers, and make the Police, Denver Partners Against Graffiti, Neighborhood Inspection Services, and perhaps Animal Control all part of your unlimited calling plan. You'll be calling one or more of these agencies a lot. Trust me.
3. Collect your spare change in a "change jar" so that when you are out walking your dogs, and you get panhandled by the crack head up the street, or in many cases your neighbor, you can honestly say "I'd like to help, but all I have is fifteen cents."
4. Get a big, but harmless dog--German Shepherd, Rottie, or Dobie perhaps. Or, something that could pass for a pit bull (since pits are illegal, you shouldn't get the real thing). While your dog might be a big baby, every other big dog in the 'hood is unsocialized, neglected, and mean as hell, so they'll think the same thing about your dog and not mess with your shit.
5. Start listening to latin music--Really, really loud. You're going to be hearing a lot of it very soon, so you had better get used to it.
6. Get some windchimes, or perhaps a fountain or other water feature for your back yard, to help drown out the afore-mentioned latin music, your neighbor's incessantly barking ghetto "Rockweiller", "ghetto doorbell" (someone sitting in their car on the street honking their horn incessantly until their friend comes to the door), the frequent loud, extremely public domestic disputes from one or several of your neighbors, police sirens, police helicopters, gunshots, or the perpetual drunks on the front porch across the street.
7. Make sure you own some dark sunglasses, and wear them every time you leave the house. Makes it easier to watch the unsavory characters you inevitably encounter to see if they're selling drugs, or engaging in any other criminal activity without making it obvious you're observing them. Also helpful to get a read on the thuggish-looking kid walking towards you on the sidewalk. Gang banger, or just a fan of Allen Iverson? You be the judge.
8. Stock up on fly traps. Guaranteed one of your neighbors will fill your dumpster to the point of overflowing with dirty baby diapers and chicken bones.
9. As much as you'll eventually want to build a fifteen foot, sound-proof concrete wall topped with concertina around your house to help you block out the rest of the 'hood, city code won't allow you to. I looked into it.
10. And finally, this is a big one: If you're white, you might think you have a right to an opinion about the future of the neigborhood, but you're wrong. Only people of color and the indiginous crack-head population are entitled to an opinion. You're just an unwelcome invader.

You might live in the 'hood...

I just noticed something quite sad: Three of my "Fave 5" on my T-mobile plan are city agencies related to living in the ghetto.

If three of your "Fave 5" are the police department, graffiti removal, and neighborhood inspection services, you might live in the 'hood...