Top Ten things I have learned about living in Cole

So I've lived here in Cole for almost 4 years now, and as a result I think I have a pretty good feel for the area. I was just thinking the other night, of all the valuable things I've learned, and thought I should share for any other new or prospective residents.

So, here are the top 10 things I have learned about living in Cole:

1. When you're budgeting for your mortgage, be sure to include some wiggle room for a self-storage facility. That quaint, historic house with so much character has absolutely no closet space, so you'll need to find a place to put all that stuff you accumulated in the 'burbs or your previous, modern or updated apartment.
2. As mentioned in a previous post, get a cell phone plan with unlimited calls to certain numbers, and make the Police, Denver Partners Against Graffiti, Neighborhood Inspection Services, and perhaps Animal Control all part of your unlimited calling plan. You'll be calling one or more of these agencies a lot. Trust me.
3. Collect your spare change in a "change jar" so that when you are out walking your dogs, and you get panhandled by the crack head up the street, or in many cases your neighbor, you can honestly say "I'd like to help, but all I have is fifteen cents."
4. Get a big, but harmless dog--German Shepherd, Rottie, or Dobie perhaps. Or, something that could pass for a pit bull (since pits are illegal, you shouldn't get the real thing). While your dog might be a big baby, every other big dog in the 'hood is unsocialized, neglected, and mean as hell, so they'll think the same thing about your dog and not mess with your shit.
5. Start listening to latin music--Really, really loud. You're going to be hearing a lot of it very soon, so you had better get used to it.
6. Get some windchimes, or perhaps a fountain or other water feature for your back yard, to help drown out the afore-mentioned latin music, your neighbor's incessantly barking ghetto "Rockweiller", "ghetto doorbell" (someone sitting in their car on the street honking their horn incessantly until their friend comes to the door), the frequent loud, extremely public domestic disputes from one or several of your neighbors, police sirens, police helicopters, gunshots, or the perpetual drunks on the front porch across the street.
7. Make sure you own some dark sunglasses, and wear them every time you leave the house. Makes it easier to watch the unsavory characters you inevitably encounter to see if they're selling drugs, or engaging in any other criminal activity without making it obvious you're observing them. Also helpful to get a read on the thuggish-looking kid walking towards you on the sidewalk. Gang banger, or just a fan of Allen Iverson? You be the judge.
8. Stock up on fly traps. Guaranteed one of your neighbors will fill your dumpster to the point of overflowing with dirty baby diapers and chicken bones.
9. As much as you'll eventually want to build a fifteen foot, sound-proof concrete wall topped with concertina around your house to help you block out the rest of the 'hood, city code won't allow you to. I looked into it.
10. And finally, this is a big one: If you're white, you might think you have a right to an opinion about the future of the neigborhood, but you're wrong. Only people of color and the indiginous crack-head population are entitled to an opinion. You're just an unwelcome invader.