Stolen - Schwinn Beach Cruisers - His and Hers - Reward - $100 (Denver)

Keep your eyes out for a couple of drunks swerving down the street on a matching pair of turquoise and yellow Schwinn Beach Cruisers. More info here:

http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/1621309041.html

How do more people in this neighborhood not get hit by cars?

It should be happening every single day the way people act over here.

Between the old-timer drunks that see you coming and dare you to hit them by walking right out in front of you, to the kids that carelessly just run into the street, it's like a game of Frogger around here most days.

Just today, I almost hit some kid as he ran right out in front of my bike as I rode by his house on Franklin. If I hadn't been paying attention, it would have been ugly for both of us. I shouted to the kid "You've gotta be careful, or you're going to get hit, buddy!". I then heard a voice from a front porch on the east side of the road a few houses up: "No he won't, I'm watching him from over here." I was flabbergasted. "Did you see me almost run over your boy on my bike?"

Her response? "F*ck you!"

No doubt the kid has a bright future in fast food (or jail) with parenting like that. (Assuming he doesn't get flattened by an El Camino before he turns 14.)

Today's photo tour of Denver's Cole Neighborhood

Know how ships have waterlines? Buildings in the barrio have graffiti lines. Lines above which the little punk kids cannot reach; below where you paint over graffiti with whatever closeout paint you can find at Home Depot.

More interesting is this highly-sophisticated data analysis showing historical change in Cole's graffiti line. As you'll see it's been steadily rising since the turn of the century. Clearly yet another of the world's problems we can blame on global warming. Note that there in fact was no graffiti line in cole until the 1930's. That's because the neighborhood kids back then were working 20 hour days in the smelters, and didn't have enough energy left over after their shifts to devote to tomfoolery. The remarkable growth in the height of the graffiti line really took hold after 1950 when the Burger King went in and kids started growing taller.

Kids in Cole have it so much easier today. They clearly have nothing but time on their hands. Time to tag garages, break into houses, and stand aimlessly in front of the Golden Gate Market. In fact, the punk graffiti writers even have their own vending machine center, to keep them properly hydrated during their covert activities, conveniently located on Bruce Randolph near Williams. Have you seen it? I can see the little gang bangers now: After spray-painting my back alley, sitting down over an icey cold Pimp Juice, and one of 'em says: "Homies, shit just don't git any better than this."

On an unrelated note, Cole is also where you see the absolute newest, hottest design trends (no secret here). Here's the latest style making its way over from Paris, the "Doorgate". or the "Porte de Porte" as those snobby French call it. And you thought this guy just re-purposed a crappy old front door as a gate to his serene backyard oasis, didn't you? Wrong! Get yours now before all your neighbors do, and the price triples.

American Bulldog Pup Missing in Whittier/Cole

Was at the dogpark today and was approached by a guy driving around looking for his lost dog. No, not a Pitt. He's missing a gray-and-white American Bulldog pup. I *think* he said his address was 2848 Humboldt? If this guy is reading and I've got it wrong (I likely might) please post a comment. Otherwise, if you find this pup I would go to 2800 Humboldt and see if anyone knows a bigger white bald guy. Or post a notice at the dog park. Thanks.

Missing "Pitt" Bull

Just got back from the Fuller dog park. Anyone noticed the signs up about the lost "Pitt Bull"?

Now before I get started on this topic, let me say that I think Pits can be wonderful dogs, and I'm sad when I hear that anyone has lost their dog. So if it's your dog, and you are a responsible owner and love your dog as much as I love mine, I certainly hope you find it.
But I find it potentially unwise to advertise that you lost an illegal breed dog at a Denver city-funded facility. Not worthy of the Darwin Awards but potentially could result in the reduction of the Pit Bull gene pool by at least one dog, if the city finds the dog first.

But then again, it actually was a "Pitt Bull" (with two "T's"). Hmmm, what's a Pitt Bull? A breed from Pittsburgh? Or is this some weak attempt to hide the dog's real pedigree? I can picture the breed description now.

"Originally bred to guard steel mills, the Pittsburgh Bull Terrier has been bred over time to be a loyal family dog with an affection for Primanti Brothers Sandwiches and Heinz Ketchup. Common health issues include joint problems and heart attacks due to a diet primarily based on Primanti Brothers Sandwiches."

Needs No Words

My neighbor sent me a link to this today:

I might actually get one.

(For those of you that don't know, this is from a funny article by Eli Kearney  from way back in 2006).

Sh*t my wife says

I realized that my wife says "Hmmm.... What do we have going on over here?" in only two very specific (and different)instances since we moved into Cole Neighborhood.

One, when she sees something suspicious.

Two, when she sees another house being fixed up.

And I have to admit she's been using it in the second context much more frequently as of late.